Hot Cranky People

I am far, far more excited than I should be about tonight’s premiere of Skating With Celebrities.

Come on. Todd Bridges? Debbie Gibson? SKATING??

That’s Kristy Swanson, ladies and gents. The original Buffy. HOW CAN YOU NOT WANT TO WATCH THIS?

I am not athletic. I cannot ice skate. This did not stop me from starring in an ice show in Chicago. It was Christmas, I needed the work, and it was for kids. What do kids know? They wouldn’t be able to tell I suck, right? So 10 times a week for a few months, I laced up my skates, sucked it up, crossed my fingers, and stepped onto the ice. And I was really bad. Mostly I just said my my lines, sang my song, just sort of skated around in general, let the pros do their thing around me, and tried not to fall.

Don’t believe me? Here I am, in “Nutcracker on Ice”. Playing an 11 year old.

I KNOW.

This entry is where I tell the long, involved, and irritating tale known as “Sofa Saga 2005″.

It’s so long and involved and irritating that just thinking about it raises my blood pressure.

So I’m not going to tell you about it.

Just know that it went on for over three months, and involved a sofa being made in the wrong color, a chair and ottoman made with the wrong legs, endless unreturned phone calls, culminating in me having an honest to goodness screaming match with Fred the sofa guy.

(Ok, fine, so I told you a little about it. This is just the tip of the tip of the tip of the iceberg. Trust me when I say you don’t want to hear the long version. Really.)

The story ends with Fred the sofa guy leaving a 2 pound box of See’s chocolate outside the door of my house. Which I ate. I mention it because that’s really the only good part about my whole experience with these morons.

And I’m still coughing.

I thought I was finally better, but tonight the cough came back. And it still kind of hurts to take a deep breath. It’s as if those 10,000 tap dancing hamsters have moved their show off of the roof and onto my chest. Either the 10,000 hamsters, or one very large ferret.

It’s 3:21am. I’m not sleepy. But I am coughing.

Argh.

Bananaphone.

No, really, just rain. So much rain. For days and days and days. The sound is like 10,000 tap dancing hamsters.

Usually I adore the rain, but this nonstop storm we’ve been having for weeks has sent me into a funk. It’s somewhat unpleasant.

It could also be that I’ve had some horrendous flu-like illness for almost 2 weeks, and am just now starting to feel like myself again. Except for the part where it still kind of hurts to breathe.

Meh.