Hot Cranky People

As some of you know (because I posted about it last year), one of the Pnut Family Thanksgiving Traditions is the ceremonial Carving of the Cheese Sculpture for the top of the cauliflower au gratin.

Every year, this responsibility falls to me.

Frankly, it’s a lot of pressure.

To recap:

Historically, the cauliflower au gratin is laden with an intricate lattice made of Kraft Old English Slices. None of that real cheese. No, only “cheese food” is acceptable, because of its ability to withstand heat and still maintain its shape. The strips would puff up into hard, brown plastic-like rectangles.

It was actually kind of gross.

Sadly, no photographic record of these works exists.

In 2002, Mom left off the strips. This sent a panic through the household. NO PLASTIC CHEESE STRIPS? Sure, they may be gross, but come on, you don’t mess with tradition. Mom said, “But nobody ever eats them.” We said, “Yeah, so?”

I decided to top the cauliflower au gratin myself. Rebel that I am, I decided to try something new, shunned the lattice, and instead opted for the pastoral scene you see below.

Note the turkey, the native foliage, and the giant head of cauliflower (that’s the blobby thing on the right). The hot sun beats down on the land, and in the sky you can see the tiny airplane that carried my sister and I home for the holiday.

(Ok, fine. The plane was supposed to be a bird but it didn’t come out so hot.)

This work withstood the heat of a 350 degree oven and came out pretty much intact.

It was not only decorative, but delicious.

2003 rolled around, and once again I was given this responsibility. Being short on time, and also concerned about being able to live up to the hype of the previous year, I copped out and opted for a lame yet still relatively intricate Cheese Cornucopia. A Cheesehorn of Plenty, if you will.

This one did not hold up so well during the baking, and ended up looking more like a Blob of Plenty.

Before we move to 2004, I should mention that at some point between 2002 and 2004 there was another, non-Thanksgiving cauliflower au gratin at Pnut’s Mom’s table, at some family event which I have forgotten. I can’t find the photos of this one but I will instead describe my work. I took a scientific approach, opting to sculpt the chemical formula for cauliflower au gratin, which was, of course, a giant:

CAuG

It was well received.

Moving on to last year, 2004. This time I dug deep and went way, way back in history.

And carved a Triceratops.

He browned nicely.

Which brings me to today. I took suggestions from many friends, and decided to go with an architectural landmark, in honor of my relocation to San Francisco.

I present…

The Golden Baked Bridge.

I must say I was pretty please with this one.

I think this is the first year the cheese actually looked better after baking.

I am now taking suggestions for 2006. I’m open to pretty much anything. Except dinosaurs. They are totally played out.