My parents belong to a neighborhood e-mail list.
Mom forwards me the good ones. Most of these are about animals. Animals people have lost, in this quiet residential neighborhood.
For example, earlier this year there was a lynx on the loose. Yes, a lynx. Apparently someone in the neighborhood breeds exotic cats. Go figure. Luckily, it was apprehended:
“On Monday an alert neighbor in the XYZ Drive area spotted the elusive lynx and called the police. A neighbor on XYZ Hills Court also spotted the cat and called the owner. The neighborhood security patrol officer, along with Atlanta police and a security officer from a nearby neighborhood searched the area but did not find him. The owner arrived and set a trap (cage) with chicken parts as bait. When he checked the cage on Tuesday, the lynx was there. We can all breathe a little easier now that this animal is back home. Let’s hope he stays there!”
My next favorite was this tale of a llama on the loose:
“Terribly sorry to bother you but a new Llama of ours by the name of Penelope has left the barn and is wandering somewhere around the neighborhood. She is brown with a small white patch on her forehead. Penelope is shy but completely safe. Should anyone see her please contact us on xxx-xxx-xxxx We apologize to all the neighbors and will gladly replace any damage caused by her eating their plants or flowers. Many thanks”
It’s especially helpful that they pointed out that she is brown with a small white patch on her forehead. It would be a huge waste of everyone’s time if someone saw, I don’t know, a solid brown llama roaming the neighborhood and called it in, when the llama in question was obviously not Penelope but some other llama. Roaming the neighborhood. In Atlanta.
Today Mom sent me this one. It may be the best one yet:
“Subject: Who lost a rooster?
A young rooster has been in my driveway for the past 3 hours. He must be someone’s pet, as he is not afraid of people and he let the painters who are working here pick him up and pet him. He is light grey with white spots.
Herman”
