Hot Cranky People

It seems these days everything I touch turns to crap. Or a pile of dust. Or a mound of splinters. Or melts. Or just plain stops working.

Let’s take look at a list of all the things in my life that are broken, shall we? Yes, we shall.

1. My roof - It leaks. I need a new one.

2. My ceiling - Serious water damage. See #1 above.

3. My car - Oh, where do I begin? The A/C doesn’t work. And it’s August. Not a good combo. It’s also making an odd clicking/popping noise that doesn’t bode well at all. There are many, many other things too but just making this list is starting to stress me out so I’m just going to move on before I break out in hives.

4. My computer - Sigh. My darling Powerbook is in sad, sad shape. 2 broken hinges, a cracked case, and it seems to be emitting some sort of low level electrical current which I only knew about because my boyfriend touched my face while I was holding the laptop and realized I was buzzing like a bee. Eek. (This one actually has a happy ending. Scroll down. Or wait…just keep reading,you’ll get there eventually. Come back! I’m not done!)

5. My cat - Herbert the manatee/cat has not seemed well lately. He is having some litterbox issues and his arthritis seems to be bothering him more and more. This saddens me. The vet is going to try giving him a new nSAID (non steroidal anti-inflammatory drug) and I am hopeful that will help. Bring on the kitty Celebrex.

6. My bathroom window - Granted, this has been broken for 5 years but I thought I would throw it in. It’s become more of an issue lately because I am preparing to sell my house so it’s time to suck it up and get it fixed. Well that, and scary bugs are starting to creep in through the crack and chew on me in my sleep.

6b. My dining room window - One of the panes has a small crack. Hardly worth mentioning, but since I am finally going to be getting the bathroom window replaced I will be fixing this as well.

8. My camera phone. Well, it still works but it has been exhibiting odd behavior. Hmmm.

9. My joints - Ok, ok, so they’re not actually broken but they sure feel like it sometimes. My knees are in sad shape these days. I’m getting my (artificial) hip checked next week and I’m secretly frightened they will tell me it’s ruined and I’ll need a new one. I’m trying not to dwell on it, but it has felt pretty crappy for a while now. Cross your fingers please.

10. My basement - It leaks. Between it and my roof, I’m living in a mold sandwich.

There are more things. Broken things. But that’s all for now. I reserve the right to add them as they come to me.

EDIT: Ooh! I thought of more.

11. My cordless phones - The display is busted on one of them so I can’t see the Caller ID. Like I’m really going to answer the phone now.

12. My screen door - I don’t know what the actual problem is here other than it is broken and won’t close properly.

I am confident that numbers 2, 6, and 12 will be fixed by Fred the Handyman. Fred, don’t fail me know. Or maybe his name is Henry. I got his name from my friend Andrea and wrote it on some scrap of paper somewhere. Sigh.

Oh! You have scrolled down here looking for the happy ending regarding Broken Thing #4. I got a new Powerbook! I can’t afford it. It’s very shiny. I haven’t named it yet. Any suggestions?